i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
