nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
