My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
