Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
