Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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