I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
