She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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