You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
