I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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