hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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