Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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