I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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