just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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