don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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