12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
