If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
