I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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