that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
