So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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