i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A bitchslap is in order.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
