I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
