Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
