He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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