the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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