He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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