You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
