Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this boner is exhausting
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
