it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
