Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
