I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
