life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
