So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
