I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize