I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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