I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
