It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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