ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
