i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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