Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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