I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize