hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
