put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
