I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
