ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
