My room smells like vodka and shame
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
