So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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