is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
