You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
