I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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