I can text with my tongue
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize