haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
