It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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