I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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