Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
