his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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