About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
