Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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