I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
