Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
cat food counts as protein by the way
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
