just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
