How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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