so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize