Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
