the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
