I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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