I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
