every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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