Do vagina's smell?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
