I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
