worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
